Ain't No Stressin

“Come on girl, come out!”. “Why you don’t want to come with?”. “Damn, why you always staying in the house?” “Alright yo, I guess I’ll catch you whenever.” Depression was my namesake up until my junior year of college. Yes, you read right - since my junior year of college. Might as well say that depression was my middle name. However, there is a difference between depression and feeling down about yourself. My depression stem from not “looking the part” or “dressing the part”. It came with “you cute and all but” … some slick back comment or what not. My depression stemmed from something though, for depression in me was always a parked car in my driveway never ready to leave the house because I somehow miss my damn keys, that I just don’t care to look for - I’m tired. 

Depression for me was feeling down about not being a part of the status quo. The status quo being like the girls with the clad outfits, banging ass hair and jewelry who got all the guys. My depression stemmed from how my body looked compared to other young women and how “I would never look like that”. To look in the mirror and say to myself you don’t look good. The media is what stemmed my depression not myself because I was taught that my Black Body had to fit within a certain paradigm for me to attain a certain type of beauty that was not ascribe to me when I came out the womb.

Needless to say, depression comes in many ways and forms. It can stem from you not wanting to go outside because of a fear of getting ridiculed or constantly comparing yourself to others that make you go into a psychosis state. Depression for me was the fear in which I carried that going outside of my comfort zone and loving my body was not of reach. No longer do I feel this anymore.

Note to self: Get to know your depression. What is causing you to feel how you feel? Now, imagine yourself without the depression? Reflect on you - depression does not come out of thin air.

Bella Bloom